Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Ode to the Artificial

This year, in the words of a friend, I "caved to the convenience" of an artificial tree. Guilty as charged.

Growing up we had a "real" tree. It smelled of pine and left sap residue on your fingers. Once Jonathan and I married, I informed him that we too would be having a "real" tree. This tradition continued through 11 years of marriage, 3 children, and a cat.

This year I nearly had a panic attack thinking about getting a "real" tree. I couldn't bear to think about trudging through the cold to pick out a tree that no one will unanimously agree on, which inevitably, in a family of all girls, leads to tears and personal effrontery. Upon getting the tree home we'll de-tangle the yardage of hopefully-working lights and wrestle them onto the boughs while warding off eager fingers wielding fragile ornaments--one of which, at least, will be broken in the interim. . . which will lead to more tears and accusations.

Once the lights, garland, ornaments are on, we have the added pleasure of continued maintenance of the tree throughout the Christmas holiday and even a couple days into the New Year. Checking water levels. Sweeping up pine needles. Keeping the cat from drinking the sappy water. Cleaning up cat vomit when he does manage to drink the sappy water. Finding ornaments mysteriously scattered in random places around the house. Readjusting the garland for the 834th time because the cat or my 4-year-old thinks it's fun to pull it and watch the whole tree shudder and hear the little bells on the ornaments tinkle. Ah, a pleasure indeed.

As I write this, I again feel hot all over, sweat breaks out on my brow, my chest starts to constrict, and my heart begins to race. Then I remind myself: It's okay, Anna. You caved.

It seems that many people have quite a strong opinion when it comes to live or artificial trees. As I said, I was chastised and told I "caved to convenience" when I went from "real" to artificial in my choice of tree decor.

But I am unmoved by this rebuke.

I applaud all of you who get "real" trees and survive the holidays with sanity intact. But the fact that this year, for the first time since our cat and children appeared on the scene, I arrived home from work with the tree assembled, the lights aglow on the branches (Oh, yes, it's pre-lit, baby!), and my children and husband all smiling and in festive spirits. We had a delightful, tear-free evening of Christmas music and tree decoration, documented with photos rather than emotional scars. If an artificial tree is what it takes for our family to enjoy a moment that is meant to be enjoyed, then I'll take artificial any day.

You can judge me. That's a constitutional right somewhere, I'm sure. But I am unabashed in my affection for the artificial.

And now I just discovered that Netflix has an hour-long video of a fire crackling in a fireplace that you can play with or without Christmas music accompaniment. So I've been setting up that fake flame on my iPad whenever I'm sitting down to read a book or to do some writing. I listen to the crackle and pop of the on-screen fire. I read by the glow of my pre-lit tree. And I smile because, at least where I'm concerned, there's a little bit more peace on earth this Christmas.


Oh, and PS: When I informed my parents that we wouldn't be going with them to purchase a live tree this year, they're response? "Oh good. We've wanted to go artificial for years."

Look at that sweet girl! I know you can't see it, but she's grinning wildly.

10 comments:

  1. We got a real one again, but I hear you! Your reasoning is completely valid. Perhaps we will "cave" next year. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your support, Wendy :) Caving isn't always a bad thing!

      Delete
  2. Well, the overachieving Chandlers have a real and a artificial one. The fake one is well lit and looks beautiful in our living room. The real one is sitting naked in the sunroom. oops.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are an overachiever! And I think that so long as the naked tree is clothed by the time Santa arrives, you're good. Good work, Chandlers!

      Delete
  3. Anna, we warred between a live vs. artificial this year. The fake one won due to convenience - it was already in the garage. We do whichever we feel like. I did have a pang when I walked by the fragrant tree at church. I will just have to hang out at church more I guess. :-) No judgement from me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Drema. The smell of the live tree is always wonderful. Like you, maybe when I need a "pine" fix I'll just go loiter in the church lobby or find a friend with a live tree :)

      Delete
  4. I much prefer a live tree, but where we live, now, the "fresh" trees come in dried out bundles ready to burst into flames at any moment. By Christmas, 70% of the needles have fallen onto the packages. Alternatively, we can cut a native cedar, stunted, prickly, and full of varmints and allergic reactions. As fun as both of those options were, I caved years ago. Fortunately, we bought a box of mixed fake tree parts at an auction for a few dollars and whomped together the dusty wonder that lights up the grandkids' lives each December in the corner of the dining room. So, yeah, enjoy your fake tree and fire if it pleases you. :)
    The picture is very sweet. I like your star. We were torn--the grandkids wanted our gaudy, flashing star at the top of the tree, but we also have a gaudy, flashing angel from our departed granny. So, the star is at the top and the angel is camped out flashing at the bottom. Very odd, but they were happy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It always amazes me how the more gaudy and ostentatious the festive display--angels, stars, christmas lights--the happier the kids seem to be. Who needs Martha Stewart's muted colors and pristine displays. Go gaudy and it'll be a hit. Our star was actually my parents' (the start I grew up with) and they bequeathed it to us when Jonathan and I got married (because we were star-less) so it is quite special to us. Glad to know you too are in support of the artificial :) Thanks, Danni!

      Delete
  5. Years ago, when our kids were young, the local tree farm closed. We immediately went and bought an artificial tree and haven't looked back. We also figure we've saved a few hundred dollars over the years. I enjoy my tree, there's no guilt about forgetting to water it, no allergies, and my ornaments haven't aged a bit in 20 years due to no sap. In fact, we still have the same ribbon garland I made nearly 40 years ago. Caving? Nope. We're fiscally responsible and environmentally sensitive. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fiscally responsible and environmentally sensitive! Yes! I love the spin you put on this--I'm using this from here on out. So glad to hear you're standing strong with choice of the artificial and that your ornaments and garland have fared well also! Thanks!

      Delete

Please, say hi and tell me your thoughts. I'd love to hear from you!